my infinity

One of the earliest memories I have of my childhood is of the term 'infinity'. mind you, I really don't remember much from my childhood, it's like a big brown blur. there is not a singular memory of when I became acquainted with the word, but I am pretty sure it was through a conversation with my brother or some other little kid. And I imagine it would have gone something like this:

'you are stupid'

'you are stupider'

'you are stupidest'

'you are stupidest times infinity!'

So, before I ever knew the symbol or how to spell infinity, I would sit there for hours at once contemplating the concept of infinity; a bottomless pit; eternal time; absolute darkness; most of all, infinite life (in heaven or hell). So I would concentrate hard, never really being able to imagine anything without an end, without limits. And I would concentrate, sometimes with my eyes closed and legs hanging over the couch arm, until my lower stomach would start to feel tickled and antsy, and my jaws would hurt from clenching my teeth.

these memories make me happy, they remind me that atleast then I had imagination, I had focus, I had patience. But most of all it makes me happy that even then I loved abstract(ness).

I don't remember when I stopped doing this, and when I lost the ability to do this.

I still cannot picture infinity, or describe it in my words.