my lesson

I don’t have something epic to say,

Not even close.

Not anything new, either.

It’s almost December, I feel like I have come so far in the recent past, I feel like I have come so far from the recent past.

It’s been exactly two months since the beginning of university, it feels like ages.

On one hand, it feels like they flew by, but at the same time I feel like I have been here forever. I have been doing this forever.

Today I realized, that despite me thinking otherwise I have learned a lot of things.

I have grown, I have established myself more.

I learned to face that overwhelming feeling of fear that comes with a big project, I have conquered that inertia to give in to that fear. I finished my essay, it might be shitty, but I finished. That was the battle I needed to fight, perfection wasn’t. And I fought it.

I learned to maneuver without my best friends.

I learned that the resilience I thought I had lost after getting used to my move to Canada is still in me. (I own this shit)

I learned that the resilience I developed after (a long time of) living in Orangeville, and thought I still had isn’t exactly as strong as I thought it was. (I am floating in this shit)

I learned that the capacity for love is infinitely expandable, at least my capacity.

I learned to let go of the fear of dependence.

And the dependence on fear.

I learned that I don’t need to apologize for who I am

That, I don’t need the people I thought I did.

But, that sometimes the people I didn’t think I needed are important.

And that sometimes those people need me, and sometimes they don’t.

It’s things that seem simple and obvious, but you have to learn them, learn to live them.

I learned that no matter what any one does for you, in the end you are the only one that you can rely on. The only one you should rely on.

As my mom mentioned today, ‘people only help you move forward once you are on your feet, nobody picks you up from the ground’

Remember that kids.

Yours,

certainepic

p.s. I had a lot of help learning to learn.