lactose intolerant

That picture is deceiving!
Milk is Gross. I thought I would escape the milk tonight, but I didn't. My aunt is staying with us for a while, and every night she insists that I drink milk. Now before I describe to you my method of drinking milk, let me tell you that I am lactose intolerant. Wait, that's a lie. But I am psychologically lactose intolerant, I also hate the smell and the look of milk. And you should know, that milk has cow puss in it. Because the cows are over-milked and milked using machines, their utters get bruised and create puss. therefore there are traces of that puss in the milk that is sitting in your fridge. Every country has a standard, that limits the amount of puss that gets into the milk. So if the limit is exceeded the milk is deemed unsuitable. Canada allows more puss in milk than most Western countries.

So, every day a mug of milk is delivered to me, via my loveable aunt. She makes me promise that I will drink it. And I do. But first I make sure there's some candy or something strong flavoured. Then I plug my nose with one hand, and gulp down all the milk in one breath. and the key part is that I have to hold my breath until I put that piece of candy in my mouth. Plugging my nose prevents me from actually tasting the milk, and the candy or whatever removes the after-taste. It's very systematic, and fool proof. well, actually sometimes I run out of breathe half way.


*The puss factor is not based on research, but it's true!